Over the last few years I have set an intention to personally learn from women. I have tried to read books by women I admire, listen to them on podcasts, watch them on YouTube, and especially make an effort to learn from them in person.
Growing up I never really understood that there was an inequality between women and men. I didn’t even understand why Women’s Studies existed. I thought the history I knew was everyone’s history but that isn’t the case. Even today most of us spend our time in rooms where the boss directing the team is a man, where the religious leader at the head of the room is a man, we watch male sporting events, and we watch movies and tv shows starring and directed by men. We can look at almost all aspects of our lives and see men are controlling the content and leading the narratives and entertainment we are consuming. In 2020 I am asking you to be mindful and recognize this fact, and what it can mean for what is going to be documented for future generations.
This quote is from a discussion Michelle Obama had with Julia Roberts on December 11, 2019.
So in 2020 I challenge you to try to make it 50/50. If you consume content I challenge you to change things up and make sure 50% of what you are consuming is from women. If you create content I challenge you to feature women 50% of the time. You will hear stories and truths that only women can tell you. It will change your outlook and your life, I promise. This concept was brought to my attention by Time’s Up. In 2018 Time’s Up emerged from Hollywood challenging equal representation, rights, and opportunity for women in all aspects of the entertainment industry. They have a marketing campaign asking for representation to be 50/50 in 2020. They are asking for true representation and equality of women in the industry by having women represented in positions of power. They are also asking for women to have equal nominations by awards ceremonies. And not to be dramatic… but this is a Herculean goal.
But if we all internalize this goal we can help make it happen. How? By auditing what we consume, who we listen to, and who’s voices we uplift. If we pay attention to the rooms we are in and the voices we are hearing we can find more voices that are women. If you always go and listen to a male religious leader try to go somewhere with a female religious leader half the time. If you love podcasts try to make sure every other one you listen to is either by a women or features an interview with a woman. You can do this audit with tv shows, sports, movies and even events that you attend. If you are conscious of it you will actually start realizing how we have far more opportunities to surround ourselves with men leading our day to day narratives. And that is how history writes itself. History is being written right now and the balance is going to be unequal. If we want women representation to match our actual global population proportion we need to be mindful to put ourselves in spaces where that happens. This in turn supports women.
This concept of being mindful is especially important for men. Society has made it clear that movies, books, tv shows, and sports that feature men are for everyone. But if it features women it is automatically for women. This gives all of these male dominated forms of communication and entertainment more value because they are for everyone while ones where women lead the narrative are devalued as only good enough for half of the population (the female half). And this is complete bullshit. But the narrative of the society we live in makes it so. If men and women are more mindful to hear more women we could literally change the world.
Intentionally hearing women and especially women of color, LGBTQ+, and any women with a different life experience from yourself should be a top priority. Learning from women different than me has been the most impactful personal growth moments of my life. And over this past year I learned so much by making sure to intentionally hear women. In these rooms my eyes have been opened to truths that a man would never share and I want to share the highlights of what I learned with you:
Rachel Hollis - 1/26/2019
Rachel Hollis’s books and content have meant so much to me. They came into my life at the right time when I needed them most. She truly is my Shero. She talks about the good, the bad, and everything in between. She is the first person I ever heard articulate so many ideas that I couldn’t put into words. And I was lucky enough to meet her last January. With 4,000 women in the room I was the one person lucky enough to win a selfie with her and join her on stage in front of everyone.
She has taught me that being intentional is how you get things done. She has taught me that “Hope is not a strategy.” And she has taught me to share my truth because it may be a guiding light for others. “Maybe you were given these mountains to show others they can be moved,” she says. And this has encouraged me to share my journey more openly in hopes that it could help others.
Read Brave with Author Meg Medina - 2/19/19
The Saint Paul Public Library and the City of Saint Paul have collaborated to create a city-wide initiative where all it’s citizens, young and old, are invited to Read Brave and read the same books on certain themes. 2019 was dedicated to housing and through reading we were all able to be on the same page (pun intended) about the topic and have conversations about the topic that isn’t always possible when there is an information gap about subjects. This was such a truly powerful program and getting to hear from that year’s featured author was the icing on the cake. She sat down with our mayor and they discussed housing in context of the book and in context of our community. I learned so much from this program and how a single story can rally an entire community. I look forward to this year’s topic: Our Climate Crisis.
Women Who Rock - 3/11/2019
Spending a night at Paisley Park listening to these talented women was a transformative experience. Their music isn’t the style of music I would regularly gravitate to and I am so grateful I was able to go and discover these amazing artists. I realized I have to be more mindful with my music because if I don’t try to listen to new artists I won’t be supporting amazingly talented performers.
Michelle Obama - 3/13/2019
Michelle Obama is the only First Lady I have ever felt any kind of connection to in my lifetime. She always seemed to be more connected to my generation than other First Ladies. And she redefined her role for true impact instead of just being a figurehead or holding a symbolic political role. After reading Becoming, her memoir I now know so much more about her and realize how self-made this woman really is. She was not born wealthy or to a family of power nor did she marry into it. In fact she was Barack’s superior when they met!
But what I will always treasure is what I learned from her in person. She talked about having to be ‘on’ while in public but also how at home she had to continue to be ‘on’ for her girls. She had to pretend everything was ok and act calm and put together about all the racism, criticism, and hate their family received in the White House so that her girls would take a cue from her behavior and believe that their daily lives were normal. And that the treatment was normal and was nothing to be scared of. She talked about how the false birther conspiracies spread by Donald Trump put her family in real danger. I had never thought about this before. I understood being in the public eye requires decorum and respect for others but I never understood that she had to maintain that level even in her private life. This made me respect her even more for the mother she was and for the strength that must have taken.
RISE Minneapolis - 6/13-6/15/2019
The RISE conference was probably the greatest investment I have ever made in myself. I have learned so much about myself from the RISE conference and I highly recommend any woman in my life attend. One thing I truly learned by sitting there in person was watching a conference truly walk the walk when it comes to diversity on the stage. There was diversity in race, religion, sexuality, gender, and life experiences like I have never seen before. So often I feel like conferences ‘add diversity’ by putting one woman and one person of color on the stage to tout a diverse lineup. But this conference truly had the most diversity I have ever seen on a stage that wasn’t specifically geared toward a certain demographic.
Marvelous Memories with Rachel Brosnahan and Kevin Pollak - 8/25/2019
I love hearing from women in pioneering roles in entertainment. Seeing strong women leads in entertainment is so important for inspiring and encouraging women. As they say “If you can see it you can be it.” I loved to hear the behind the scenes stories and spent the entire conversation laughing. On the same day Rachel got the call offering her the part of Midge in The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel she got a rejection for a movie role two hours earlier because—she wasn’t funny enough! What I took away from the event was how people’s opinions about your abilities are really subjective. And Rachel’s story reminded me to never forget that.
Brosnahan plays a stand up comedian in the show but she cannot do stand up in real life. She even talked about how the stand up scenes are the scariest parts of the show for her. “If you are on Grey’s Anatomy playing a doctor you probably shouldn’t try surgery,” she joked about her inability to do stand up. I found this to be fascinating. I never would have guessed that. I would have thought she was very talented at improv. But that is what great acting does. Great acting sells an illusion and she certainly sells that illusion despite not being able to do it in real life.
Abby Cooper “Friend of Fiction” Book Launch - 10/8/2019
There is nothing better than seeing a friend in her element. Abby Cooper writes stories for kids in their formative middle grade years. I got to see her speak at her launch party for her latest book Friend or Fiction. I have been in awe by all she creates and watching her create her author career has been truly so inspiring to me. She not only is telling stories but she is showing kids the possibility of being a professional author with classroom visits and Skype calls and that is the most inspiring story of all.
Kate Mulgrew at Opus & Olives - 10/13/2019
Kate Mulgrew has been a leading lady in entertainment for years. I am a life-long Trekkie and I remember how big of a deal it was when she became the first female Captain to have her own series. She showed me leadership on the show but more importantly she showed leadership in real life. I watched her treat everyone in the room as if they were the most important person she talked to that day. She took about five minutes in a green room and then the rest of the time she was full of grace and her presence lit up any room she walked into. I watched her give a fiery speech and she definitely led by example. I am excited to read her memoir.
Cleo Wade - 10/15/2019
Cleo Wade has taught me more about self-care than I ever considered before. She taught me how self-care is personal and allows you to show up as your best for others and the world. It isn’t about facial masks and buying yourself something nice. It is about reexamining generations of ingrained roles around women and what we need to do daily in our lives to take care of ourselves. Both her books, Heart Talk and Where to Begin have become staples in my life. I listen to them on repeat to center myself and as a form of meditation. She has inspired me to remember that art is self-care, and that I need to make more time to do the daily practice of creating. Seeing her in person has been one of the most surprisingly beneficial experiences of my life.
Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie - 10/23/2019
When I first heard the 2009 TED Talk, The Danger of a Single Story, it changed how I thought about the world and how I had mistakenly understood the world up till that moment. It was groundbreaking for me. Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s TED Talk is one of the most viewed of all time and she is also a prolific writer. Seeing her in person I felt her ability to change an opinion of anyone in a room through words. Her words and ideas take root in you and make you question where you stand.
The most profound moment for me seeing her in person was her explanation of how fiction can actually be more honest than nonfiction. She talked about how nonfiction is from your point of view so it always has a bias. You will choose what to write and what to not write to protect yourself and to protect those you write about. Fiction can be far more honest because no one gets hurts. So you can say exactly what you want to say and make the points you want to make with total honestly and without hiding. I had never thought of this before. This woman might just turn me into a fiction reader yet!
Oprah’s 2020 Vision Tour - 1/11/2020
Being in the presence Oprah Winfrey can only be described as being in the room with greatness. She has made and changed history and we will all talk about her for generations to come. She was joined by the infamous comedic legend Tina Fey, dancer Julianne Hough, and even the godmother of finances for women – Suze Orman. Her tour was about setting intentions to reach your higher purpose. This was music to my ears since I am trying to be more intentional with my life everyday. Oprah’s Word for 2020 is PURPOSE and I thought that really aligned with my life and future dreams right now.
Oprah spoke about not having to be the nice person who says ‘yes’ to everything, because you are training people to think you are nice and we become a doormat for them. That idea of training people really resonated with this people pleaser. She also talked about living your life in acts of service. And when Oprah said, “How do you use your art to serve?” Chills ran up my spine and it really resonated with me.
Julianne Hough shared her new fitness program and the importance of moving your body everyday. Suze Orman really made comments that hit home with me about how spending should be as exciting as saving and how you need to differentiate between ‘need’ and ‘want’ when you go to make purchases. And Suze also suggested to live below your means but within your needs. I felt all of her ideas were perfect reminders for the new year.
And last but not least, I got to be in the same room as Tina Fey! I mean how wonderful right? She talked about jokes and free speech, the problems her generation has with understanding social media, and made really fascinating points about diversity, beauty, and being kind that I wasn’t expecting. She talked about how having more diversity in the room makes everything better and said, “You wouldn’t make soup with one thing in it and expect it to be good soup.” She talked about how society treats pretty women differently than those not considered as beautiful. And also how being beautiful at a young age for girls can actually be problematic and limit what you will accomplish with what the world expects from you. I appreciated that honest insight. She also said, “Calling someone ugly doesn’t make you any prettier, and calling someone stupid doesn’t make you any smarter.” I will carry that idea with me everywhere I go from here on.
Jessica Hische - 1/13/2020
Jessica Hische has carved out a design career like no other. And even with the A-list clients and three kids she has consistently taken time to give back to the design community through speaking, classes, and online resources. She has given me more tips and tricks than anyone else in the design community eventhough this is my first time meeting her in person. She shows you how she does what she does and that generosity is so inspiring to me. Very few creatives of her caliber take the time to do this and it inspires me to always try to show, give, and help others see what I am doing because you never know what might be beneficial.
She came to Minneapolis for the launch of her children’s book Tomorrow I’ll Be Kind, the sequel to Tomorrow I’ll Be Brave. She talked about how the first book is about forgiving yourself for not always getting things right but trying to do them anyways. The newest book as about trying your best everyday for others. She talked about the idea for the books is taking care of yourself first before you can care for others. Such a beautiful concept. She said the concept is simple yet it took her till her thirties and seeing a therapist to grasp it. She wrote the books (especially the first one) for herself as a child and for her daughter. They both share the fear of failure in trying new things and the first book is about failing and trying again.
I showed up with a stack of books and even wearing a pin she had designed (yep, I was that person). But she thanked me for all the support and told me she is the person who wears the shirt of the band performing to a concert. She has even bought a shirt at the show and changed into it. “You gotta show your support,” she said.
And that simple concept of showing your support is really what this entire blog post is about. Try in 2020 to show up for women. Hear them and hear their stories. I learned so much from these women that I would never have learned from anyone else. I know I have more opportunity to do this because of where I live and my financial situation than many people out there do. But if you are reading this post you do have access. You can find amazing women online ad hear their stories and give them your attention. I hope in 2020 you will join me in trying to go 50/50.