George Floyd’s murder was shocking and sad and made me furious, but in all honesty is it nothing new. It is just another example of a systemic pattern in this country. I keep coming back to a quote by Cleo Wade; “…we are all responsible for our actions, reactions, and inactions.”
WE ARE ALL RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR ACTIONS
I know it is my responsibility to take action and to keep learning and to take actual time to read and consistently invest in my knowledge about race and racism. Growing up I never had an honest to god conversation about racism with any adult in my life outside of statements about how ‘we aren’t racist people,’ and anecdotal stories that illustrated how ‘we weren’t racist people.’ The history I was taught was whitewashed and because I didn’t know better I didn’t do better. I basically thought racism was fixed by the Civil Rights Movement and believed there was no need to see color. I believed racists were bad people and since we weren’t bad people we obviously weren’t racist. I had no idea that everyone has racist biases whether we recognize them or not because no one explicitly told me this. And I know this experience isn’t unique. I know better now, and with information being the most easily accessible it has ever been there is no excuse to not put more time into leaning into discomfort. I am going to get it wrong, I am going to put my foot in my mouth, but my fragile white ego is not as important as my responsibility to correct my mistakes and keep trying to do better for others. Because bless the people who take time to tell me I am wrong when I am so late to this fight.
I saw the action of reposting a man’s death over and over, and while I agree awareness to these racist murders are important I don’t think anyone has the right to post that kind of intimate moment in anyone’s life for all to gawk at even if it is in outrage. Did you get permission from him to post that? Because I didn’t. But we as whites didn’t even question retraumatizing our black friends and family and passing around a black man’s death. I am sure we would have questioned it if the victim was white or a child being shown being murdered.
I also saw many posts of young people taking the George Floyd challenge and mocking his death. Now it is great when the bigots just out themselves online, but how many of them truly came from homes that would proudly say they are racist? Many of the families claim this isn’t how they raised their kids to act. I wonder how many came from homes like mine where we didn’t acknowledge racism as a problem? Because racism goes beyond intention and maybe the parents just intended to raise their kids without ‘politics involved’ but the impact of raising kids in a racist society and not acknowledging racism means they have no idea how to handle it or respond to it. And we have another generation that is way too far behind perpetuating racism.
OUR REACTIONS
I didn’t want to post reactions on social especially the way I saw the majority of my white friends and loved ones doing. The focus I mainly saw was absolute agony and pleading for peace over the protests yet George Floyd’s murder was referred to as ‘partially his fault for resisting,’ ‘not being able to say for sure what happened,’ or even posts claiming he and MKL ‘would not have wanted this.’ It was such a gross overstep in my eyes. Us whites were mainly being passive instead of firmly placing the blame on a white man of authority and shaming the protests to quiet down for our own comfort. I saw a lot of effort spent on our white tears of how hard this has been. All focused on us. And that virtue signaling (yes, I went there) made me sick.
I saw us whites posting reactions of how we felt about it all. You could feel the sorrow and agony in their words but they were completely unaware of why white women’s tears are a problematic response. White women’s tears have gotten black people killed for hundreds of years (and is still happening with white women like Amy Cooper are perfect examples of exactly how to weaponize that response) and despite our intentions, racism goes beyond intention. We were talking and filling the feed instead of amplifying black voices and anti-racist resources. I am so grateful for Black Out Tuesday because I think it is the first time for many whites that they even considered that ‘maybe my voice doesn’t need to be heard right now?’ We are so used to self-importance that I think this was a revelation for many.
I also saw so many of us react like little children (more white women’s tears) when were were called out for being naive and posting problematic white responses. It isn’t anyone’s job to be nice to us when we are the ones who have made no effort to learn outside of just saying we aren’t racist. Can you imagine how exhausting that is to constantly see people showing up badly when all they need to do is read a book? If we get it wrong we deserve to be called out and to listen and to correct our mistake. And that brings me to my last point.
OUR INACTIONS
Inaction has been my biggest point of learning this year so far. We all are responsible for our inactions as much as any action or reaction. In fact maybe even more so. Did we stay quiet when our friends and family lost their collective shit over taking a knee? I know I didn’t speak up enough against them screaming ‘This is not the way!’ and seething contempt over actually recognizing the systemic problem it was addressing. I was too scared. Too many people yelled at me, too many people blocked me and unfriended me or sent me hate filled DM messages for being ‘too political.’ I let their reactions be an excuse for my inaction and I hold responsibility for that.
I also do not correct people 90% of the time when I see them posting a logical fallacy, a bullshit meme, a racist or bigoted meme, or fake news. My inaction is purely from being exhausted and scared and that is inexcusable. I feel deep regret for not doing that and I need to do more. My inaction means they keep posting it and millions of people keep believing it. How many hundreds of their friends online saw that bullshit meme and it confirmed their bias? That meme I know is purely a divisive marketing tactic because of my professional marketing experience. By leaving it unchallenged that is on me as well.
So what now?
There isn’t any going back to normal the way I am already seeing people do online. Now I am going to focus on doing better. I realize by taking more action I will get pushback and people will consider me ‘too political’ but from here on out I am ready to do it anyways. I realize I need to show up as my best-self with my actions and reactions. There are times when it isn’t about me and I am focusing on the wrong thing and me feeling shamed by my friends and loved ones is not a reason to not stand up for people who aren’t like me. And I am going to put as much effort as possible into changing my default stance of inaction. I am going to encourage others to do the same because we can’t go back to a normal as it was.
Nothing changes without intention. Nothing. You can’t just claim to ‘not be racist’ when we were all raised in racist institutions that you don’t comprehend yet or even have the correct language to talk about without showcasing your ignorance. Just because we don’t get it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. We put tons of effort into getting degrees, hours on hobbies, and even hours watching rerun television or binge watching Netflix. There is no excuse for not devoting even one book’s worth of time to learning to be better. Because if you haven’t even read one book that is a choice of inaction. I am going to push people out of inaction with me as much as I can.
If you have not read any books on race and taking action I personally recommend these:
“Where to Begin: A Small Book about Your Power to Create Big Change in Our Crazy World” is a great place to start when you don’t know how to start making change. It can be your coach and friend and I have found it gives me courage and I reread it constantly.
“This Book Is Anti-Racist: 20 Lessons on How to Wake Up, Take Action, and Do The Work” is a great book to understand your relationship to racism. It really opened my eyes and it is a middle grade level read and easy to comprehend.
“White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism” is a really important read because I never realized how horribly I reacted to even discussing racism and how blind I was to my stereotypical reactions. I recommend everyone read this one
The Saint Paul Public Library also has great resources available for readers of all ages and I encourage you to check them out. If you are anything like me; a white American who grew up surrounded by white people, who grew up believing they weren’t racist just because you were told you weren’t… then we both have a long way to go. And I know we can do better with intention and action.
This is where I am right now and I am sure many people are like me. I am sure I said problematic things in this post and feel free to contact me and discuss me as you see fit. I am open to the conversation and welcome feedback.